No Sew "Napkins

Seersucker Napkins Circa 2010

A few years ago, I saw this Martha Stewart Seersucker Napkin DIY I became obsessed with. Basically, you cut seersucker cloth into squares and fray the edges so there's no sewing involved. Anyone who's come over for dinner in the last few years has been subjected to these intentionally frayed scraps of cloth that I call a "napkin." Fortunately, my friends are pretty gracious about these quirky "napkins" and I just tell them that it's a Martha Stewart DIY if they look at them funny. Since I'm intimidated by my sewing machine, I like that I can crank out a lot of no sew "napkins" while I watch TV. Adam has come to tolerate these "napkins" over the years, but I know they mildly irritate him because they fray and sometimes leave threads in the laundry. He's a little long suffering, but we're using fewer paper napkins by switching to cloth and I figure mild adversity is character building….right?

Last week, I decided that our towering stash of Seersucker Napkins from 2010 were starting to feel a little thin and nearing the end of their useful life so I found a stash of cute patterned cloth in my closet and made some new "napkins." I bought the cloth in 2010 with aspirations to make some cute pillow cases, but I'm still intimidated by my sewing machine four years later and the color scheme of my house has changed enough that I figured I might as well make some "napkins" with the cute cloth. The good news is the 2014 edition napkins are more substantial and they're more generously sized. Yay!

 "Napkins" Circa 2014

The Zakun Way

I've recently been referring to a few things as "the Zakun way" or "Zakunisms." Inspired by the insightful NYTimes dialect map quiz that's been all over Facebook, I've created a hyper specific dialect / behavioral quiz in honor of my family in-law.

Q1: What do you call the end piece of a loaf of bread?
a. The Heel
b. The Chulupka
c. Inedible Trash

Q2: You receive a phone message from Grandma that simply says, "lemons are 2 for a dollar in Seattle." 
a. You get excited because Grandma makes the BEST lemonade and you can't wait to enjoy some when you visit Seattle next week
b. You pack a box of lemons from your lemon tree to bring to Seattle
c. You call Grandma back and report that "hot dogs are 2 for a dollar in San Francisco."

Q3: After you get the check for a nice celebratory dinner out, you say...
a. "How about we split it?"
b. "Holy Moly!"
c. "Should we dine and dash?"

Q4: You want to try this cool new cocktail recipe from Food & Wine magazine that calls for Angastura Bitters. You go to three different liquor stores in your area and fail to find Angastura Bitters for sale. You assume...
a. My neighbors must be a bunch of cocktail swilling alcoholics
b. There are no Angastura Bitters available in my area, therefore there are no Angastura Bitters available in the entire country
c. Angastura Bitters don't exist! Food & Wine magazine made a mistake in their cocktail recipe. You decide to write a stern letter to Food & Wine expressing your disappointment and you'll ask them to "make it right."

Q5: When you yawn in public, you say...
a. "Pardon" in a posh English accent
b. "Arghhh Mendoza" like a pirate
c. "Will y'all look at the time" with a bad Texas accent

Q6: What do you do when you need to replace a small household appliance that costs under $40? 
a. Remember that you have an extra one in the garage that you bought on sale last year
b. Do research by going to Consumer Reports and reading all their reviews
c. Go to Amazon and buy the one with the most stars

Q7: What do you call removing clean dishes from the dishwasher?
a. Unload the dishwasher
b. Unset the dishwasher
c. Dishwasher? I thought that was a giant drying rack!

Q8: You're shopping for a new winter parka and you find one you like. On the way to the register you...
a. Decide to pick up some warm socks since they're on sale
b. Methodically check every zipper, button and whether any down is escaping from the parka
c. Swing by the sale section just in case, find a parka that's less than ideal, but half off, then debate for 15 minutes on which parka to buy and proceed to leave the store with neither parka

Scoring: If your answers are mostly "b" then you might belong to a very small group of people who hail from the Peninsula with the last name or maiden name "Zakun." You have a great sense of humor and can laugh at yourself. You are also very good looking, super nice, generous and very forgiving of your in-laws.

Only the "b" answer to all these questions are true "Zakunisms," but Q4-c and Q8-c are within the realm of possible "Zakunisms."