Calorie Commando

The following is a reconstructed monologue:

Adam: I Tivoed a breakfast episode of "Calorie Commando" on Food Network. I thought they would show me how to make really fatty and caloric corned beef hash, but then I realized the show was about cutting calories, not adding more calories.

Happy Birthday Plasticann

In honor of my birthday, plasticmom celebrated by eating a cake 3000 miles away from me. The following is a reconstructed e-mail from plasticmom.

plasticann,

We ate the birthday cake. The pictures will prove it.

plasticmom

BEFORE


AFTER

New Additions

Last week, Zara gave birth to baby number two making Zryce a proud papa twice and Zess a big sis. Zames Zarry Zakun Zakin looks pretty cute, but the verdict is out [in my book] whether he dethrones Zess in overall cuteness.

Creamy Polenta with Sauteed Mushrooms

I baked up some Sour Cream Coffeecake from Everyday Food this weekend when I noticed a recipe for polenta in same issue so I cooked up som Creamy Polenta with Sauteed Mushrooms to boot. I've always been a bit wary of "polenta" because the name reminded me of gross and nasty things, but I gave the recipe a whirl and the results were pretty darned tasty. Serves three, meal sized portions.

Polenta:
4 cups water
1.5 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3/4 cup cornmeal
1 tablespoon butter
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons of chopped basil

1. Bring to boil the water + salt + pepper. med high heat.
2. Slowly whisk in the cornmeal in a constant stream. Whisk continuously.
3. Lower heat to med low to thicken, stirring occasionally. 10-15 minutes
4. Remove from heat, stir in cheese, butter and basil.

Sauteed Mushrooms:
1 carton 10oz mushrooms sliced
2 small tomatoes chopped
1/4 cup chopped basil

1. Heat 2 tablespoon olive oil
2. Saute mushrooms for 5 minutes or until tender and yummy looking
3. Remove from heat and stir in tomatoes and basil.
4. Season with salt and pepper.
5. Top Creamy Polenta with Mushrooms.

Getting out of Boston

Here is a third person reconstructed conversation between Steve and his MIT career counselor.

plasticann's reconstruction of Steve's reconstructed conversation.

Steve: Yeah, I've been in Boston my whole life. I could get excited about getting out of Boston.
CC: That's great. What do you think about LA, Disney's in LA.
Steve: They've got earthquakes
CC: You know, Home Depot is in Atlanta.
Steve: Yeah...I don't want to be in Atlanta.
CC: How about Florida?
Steve: It's too hot and there are too many old people.
CC:...You're funny!

"You're funny" is for when they don't know what to make of you and when you're "funny."

plasticann's analysis of Steve's reconstruction of his conversation.


plasticann: Well, you do want to get out of Boston, as long as its, NYC, Chicago or the Bay Area.
Steve: How'd you know?

Minty S'mores

Caution: Very Messy

Spread some marshmallow fluff on two graham cracker squares. Break two Andes Mints in half and place on cracker. Make a little sandwich and microwave for 10 seconds. Arm yourself with a napkin before proceeding to eat.

Baby D*&%$#

The following reconstructed conversation happened on the way to the Phantom Gourmet Food Festival.

plasticann: I was joking around with Wheezy last weekend. I was telling her how I was going to need a break after grad school so I was going to put my MBA to work by becoming a "hausfrau." Wheezy said I should start my own business as a "hausfrau." I told her I could start "Baby Doofas" like "Baby Einstein." Wheezy says she'd put her baby in a "Baby Doofas" shirt.
Adam: [long pause] I guess that's mildly funny.
plasticann: Mildly funny! Harumph! Wheezy even came up with a logo. [plasticann makes a face with her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth.]
Adam: [silence]
plasticann: I guess you wouldn't put our kids in "Baby Doofas" shirts.
Adam: Nope.

I suppose Adam is right afterall. Dressing your helpless baby in a mocking shirt is probably not the best way to start out in life since it would only doom the baby to become a writer for The Onion, but I can't help it, I still think it's hilarious. Good thing I've got Wheezy to hang out with because Adam would never go to Urban Outfitters just to mock the merchandise.

Candle Cake

I brought some homemade lemon pound cake to my team meeting yesterday.

Zamir: [Sniffing] Is someone burning candles in here?
plasticann: Um...[glancing around the small conference room]...no. Do you think it's the lemon cake you're smelling?
Zamir: That's it. My wife loves candles she's been home in Houston while I've been here and I was thinking it's been a while since I smelled candles.
plasticann: I did not put candles in the cake.
Zamir: No, it smells like good candles.

A Bi-Annual Tradition

After lunch yesterday, I dragged Nina to the Tannery in Harvard Square to look at clogs. I was considering the black ones since I've worn out two reddish pairs over the last four years, but I needed Wheezy's opinion. The following is a reconstructed conversation about clogs.

plasticann: [wearing the black clogs] I just don't know. I don't want to get the reddish colored ones again, I've already gone through two pairs of the same color. I think I need a change, but I just don't know.
Wheezy: I don't know...the black ones look nice, but something's not quite right.
plasticann: I know, the black ones look nice on other people, but they seem weird on my feet.
Wheezy: When I think of plasticann, I think of the reddish clogs.
plasticann: Didn't I drag you down to the clog store two years ago for this exact issue and we ended up going with reddish over black?
Wheezy: Yeah and I still feel the same way. Maybe you should try the reddish ones.
...A few minutes later...
Wheezy: [watching plasticann open up the pair of reddish clogs] I have a good feeling about this already.
plasticann: [wearing the reddish clogs] Yeah, you're right. These are it. I'll probably drag you clog shopping in another two years and we'll have to go through this whole process again.

Therefore, I walked out with my third pair of reddish Dansko clogs. The lesson learned is don't mess with your signature shoe.

Pizza Burrito

I experienced some of Adam's creative culinary resourcefulness a few weeks ago when he made lunch out of a slice of pizza, a piece of calzone, cheese and some tortillas. "Pizza Burrito" was born. Past excursions into "burrito-land" have included stir fry. The following is a reconstructed conversation.

Adam: [looking at a portion of leftover tortellini] There isn't much of this pasta left for lunch.
plasticann: I didn't eat any, I ate the chicken.
Adam: I know, but do you know what this means?
plasticann: [with hesitation]...Umm..."Pizza Burrito?"
Adam: That's right...pasta burrito! It's going to be GOOD.

Upper Crust

Now that I'm a student [again], schoolwork is omnipresent. I suppose, now is not the time to be obsessed with enjoying certain foods that are inconveniently located. Unfortunately, I succumbed to my irrational craving for a slice of Upper Crust pepperoni pizza last night. Granted the pizza was sublime, but this little culinary excursion cost me a precious 30 minutes. That's about 10 pages of reading in my Accounting textbook. Ironically, I was motivated to trek across the river and down Charles Street was because I was famished. My low blood sugar levels messed with my analytical abilities and I was convinced that the only food I could eat was a slice of Upper Crust pizza. I wanted to propel myself over the Fanueil Hall for a Beard Papa Cream Puff to top off the pizza, but at after I'd eaten, my mental faculties had returned.

The I-zone

Excerpts from last week's marketing class.

Prof: Who here has seen one of these [holds up an I-zone] camera?
Class: [many hands go up.]
Prof: Good good...it's a camera that takes small poloroid pictures. Now, how many of you have one of these cameras?
plasticann: [starts raising her hand and notices a marked decrease in hand raising from the audience.]
Prof: [not having seen plasticann's half raised hand] Nobody, that's good because they're marketed for 12 year old girls. You shouldn't have one.
plasticann: [sadly and to no one in particular] But, they're wicked cool.

Baker's Joy...

and boy oh boy what a joy it is for the baker. The Original No-Stick Baking Spray with Flour is simply wonderful. My intricate bundt cakes come out beautifully intact and my loaf cakes are loving the special flour grease formula. I was initially wary of the Baker's Joy, but I'm now a convert. The sprayed on flour grease can look a little dubious since it looks like you've coated white foam on your baking pans and I think it smells not bad, but a little "funny. However, trust me, there is no aftertaste and no visible residue. Couple that Baker's Joy with some parchment paper and you'll be a happy baker too.

Awesome---sia

Shaw's new gourmet private label brand, Essensia, is simply Awesome---sia. Everything we've purchased has been great: chocolate chips, balsamic vinegar dressing, Parmesan cheese, crackers and today I even bought some frozen cheddar broccoli baked potatoes because I had a coupon for a dollar off. I'm a die hard fan and I'll try anything with that lovely gray metallic label. Now, the coupon brings all my meandering to my second point, I've become like Adam. I purchased the superfluous potatoes mostly so I could use the coupon. However, the dollar off coupons are great. Shaw's has stacks of coupons for Essensia products near the circulars and the coupons are for $1 any Essensia product. I grabbed a bunch and I plan on stocking up on chocolate chips using these coupons over the next month.

My Fed Ex Guy

I was chillin' outside waiting to meet up with my team when I saw my Fed Ex guy burst out of one of the Sloan buildings. He's a memorable fellow with a handlebar mustache, but when you've worked in the same vicinity for five years, the Fed Ex guy is part of your routine. I wanted to stop him and say, "Hi...it's so good to see you. I didn't know you delivered to this building. How are you doing? Have a great day." However, I restrained myself since he doesn't actually know me and plus, in the five years I've signed for packages from him, I've never actually caught his name. However, I laughed and smiled to myself as I watched him dash from the building and scurry into his parked truck. Some things never change.

Who Knew!

Adam and I hopped on the bus last weekend for a jaunt out to the suburbs. We took the 77 all the way to Arlington Heights where we found a Panera, an awesome cookie bakery...Lakota, a Brigham's Ice Cream Store and not to mention, a fabulous spice store just outside of Arlington Heights. We chowed our way down Mass Ave all the way home splitting a Asiago Cheese Bagel with Sun Dried Tomato Cream Cheese at Panera, picking up a baker's dozen of cookies at Lakota before we bought a bagful of spices at Penzeys. We worked our way down Mass Ave from Arlington Heights toward Arlington Center stopping by a party favor store where Adam marveled at the bulk institutional food available and I enthusiastically checked out the various cardboard cake rounds they stocked. We finally got to Blue Ribbon BBQ where we split a sandwich with cole slaw and the basil garlic smashed potatoes. We were planning on splitting a burger at Not Your Average Joe's if we were still hungry, but alas, our appetites failed us and we ran out of time. The following reconstructed conversation occurred several times on our modest day trip.

plasticann: [marveling] Who knew the 77 had so much to offer!
Adam: You just like saying that.
plasticann: It is not true?
Adam: It is true!
plasticann: See, the 77 does have a lot to offer.

The Depository

As our good friends MGDub and Laurel have moved away from Beantown on to bigger and better things, Adam and I have become the depository for their stash of leftover food. We're still working through the various frozen food items from MGDub, but we did polish off the delicious Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches she left behind. Laurel dropped off boxes upon boxes of food and pantry items last Saturday before she left town on Sunday. As much as I enjoyed the loot from MGDub, Laurel's stash was the motherload. We had a blast going through the edible remnants of Laurel's life here in Boston. Not much of a surprise, but Laurel's pantry was that of a master baker and a foodie. I inherited her entire pantry of baking supplies which included pounds of chocolate, bags of powdered sugar, a variety of nuts and even food coloring. I haven't even finished cataloging the lot of goods, but last weekend, Adam and I enjoyed wrapping up all of our random leftovers in her Vietnamese spring roll wrappers and I made a huge vat of curry. This morning, I used her collection of nuts to make brittle. For a decadent touch, I melted her dark chocolate to top off the already buttery brittle. I'm already missing MGDub and Laurel, but they're still very close to my heart and tummy as I work on methodically consume their food.

Brittle...in honor of Laurel's pantry

1.5 cups of assorted nuts
6 Tbs of salted butter
1/4 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp baking soda

1. Grease a 9x13 glass baking dish. Line the bottom of of the dish with parchment paper or a silpat. [I had to chisel my brittle out with a knife and hammer because I didn't line the dish.]
2. Scatter nuts in dish
3. Combine butter, sugar and water in a 2 quart pot. Dissolve sugar on medium heat.
4. Once sugar has dissolved, cover pot for 2 minutes.
5. Uncover pot and turn heat up to high and let the mixture cook [without stirring] until the mixture starts to turn golden brown.
6. Immediately remove pot from heat and stir in the baking soda and the vanilla.
7. Quickly pour the mixture over the nuts in the baking dish and spread the mixture over the nuts using a wooden spoon or spatula. Note: The mixture is viscous and may not spread across the entire dish. Just pack in any loose nuts on top of ths mixture if it doesn't spread.
8. Let the brittle cool to room temperature and then break the brittle into small bitesized pieces.
9. [Optional] Melt some chocolate in the microwave and quickly pour on top of brittle. Spread the chocolate over the brittle with a spatula and let cool.

Bio Break

a term they were using at Sloan to describe a potty break. It probably stands for "biological" break...how BIT.

Elvis Presley's Favorite Pound Cake

I was excited to bake Elvis Presley's Favorite Pound Cake from the latest issue of Gourmet as an opportunity to use up my stash of cake flour so I acquired the extra eggs and the heavy cream that the recipe called for. As I started to mix my ingredients, I noticed the one ingredient notation that would have deterred me from starting down the path of baking this pound cake. The recipe called for "sifted" cake flour and the directions required this already "sifted" cake flour to be "sifted" another two times. In total, the precious cake flour needed not one, or two, but THREE siftings. Since Gourmet claimed "This is the best pound cake we have ever tasted," I didn't want to miss out on the experience so I decided to go against my personal vow to ignore flour sifting.

As I started to methodically sift the first cup of flour, an overwhelming feeling of resentment began to build. I started thinking, "it's just like that Elvis to demand his flour be sifted thrice...that's so typical of rock stars...does he really need sifted flour...I'll bet he never had to sift his own flour." In light of these negative emotions, I decided to skip the sifting and just give the flour a bit of a "stir." Pound cake was pretty darned tasty...if only I had my own personal flour sifter at my beck and call, the pound cake would be even more sublime. Afterall, we're talking about the King here and he deserved only the best.

A Reconstructed Conversation with plasticmom

I was reminded at dinner tonight of a conversation I had with plasticmom about our washer/dryer.

plasticann: ...and we bought a washer/dryer unit from our neighbors upstairs. Adam did the math and he figures we'll pay off the cost of the unit if we do six loads of laundry every month for two years.
plasticmom: If you do twelve loads a month, you'll pay it off in one year. You should change your clothes twice a day and do lots of laundry.
plasticann: Boah ha ha! We should try to get dirty to save more money.

Social Crutch

The context of this reconstructed conversation. Steve and I have been trying to go to school social events. I've been forcing myself to go despite my natural inclination to stay home after dark. Fortunately, getting a ride from Steve has been a motivating incentive to actually go out.

Steve: George says I should stop using you as a social crutch.
plasticann: What? You can tell George that you may not need me as a social crutch, but darn it...I actually need a social crutch.

Goofy Instructors

As you may know, Steve and I are at BIT for pre-term this week. Some of the instructors are inadvertently, but endearingly goofy. Here are some moments.

1. During our first microeconomics class, the instructor started drawing a graph on the projector. As he's finishing his supply/demand graph, he exclaims, "Oops, I think I was supposed to use this transparency [waving a blank transparency], I hope this ink is erasable." He forgot to use his Sloan issued blank transparencies and ended up drawing all over the glass. Incidentally, he also forgot to clean the graph off the glass.

2. Steve and I had discussed, briefly, whether our accounting instructor was "with child." This morning, she said, "I know your question came up last semester, but I'm not sure what the answer is. I'll have to look that up and get back to you because babies get smarter by making mommies less smart."

$28/lb

To properly commemorate my matriculation into BIT, I'm paying homage to my alma mater’s daily rag with some textbook inspired "Diamonds and Coals."

Coals: If BIT ever took a page from its "alternative" neighbor, the Garment District, my books would have cost $28 a pound.

Diamonds: Fortunately, I only had to buy four books for my first semester at BIT so I only had to make one trip to the Coop. I remember having to pick up eight separate books for just one of my classes in college, at times taking several trips to the bookstore to complete my back to school shopping.

Speaking of college, MGDub and I once took a Faulkner and Fitzgerald class with two other friends. Due to the frenetic pace of the reading list [two books a week], and the lack of incentive since we were required to take the class pass/fail, I didn't actually do all that much of the reading, in particular, I didn't read hardly any Faulkner because I simply couldn't get through more than a chapter at a time. Once our professor, in an effort to encourage us, suggested we read Faulkner several times with different colors of highlighters to code the various “voices” and points of view. After that, I completely gave up any hope of ever doing the reading. The only Faulkner I actually read was a little known super short novella titled "The Pilot," but I'll have you know, I owned all of the required reading at that point in time. After all, I'm not textbook buying slacker/cheapskate. The following two reconstructed conversations/situations demonstrate how rampant this issue was for our entire class.

Section:

One of my friends [Zim] had already graduated, but was interested in joining my section review on Absalom Absalom, a book he could never finish. He thought joining us "unofficially" for section would motivate him to finish the book. Zim shows up for section and settles in. At one point in section, it is obvious that most of us have not actually read the book.

TA: How many of you have actually read this book? Please raise you hands because we can't have a productive discussion if no one has read the book.
[two hands go up]
TA: Ok, how many of you have read half of the book?
[a couple of more hands go up]
TA: How about a third?
[a lot more hands go up, including plasticann and Zim]

Later, after section:

Zim: Gosh, that was really stressful. I'm not even in the class and I felt so guilty that I hadn't finished the reading.

Zim thought reading a third of the book warrented guilt, there were folks in my section who hadn't even cracked open the book. I suppose slacking off is all relative.

Final Exam:

Since I had only read one Faulkner book and it wasn't really even a book, I was in a tight spot come finals time. Granted, I only had to pass the class and we did get the questions beforehand to prepare, but I had no idea what the books were about. Fortunately, lots of folks including my friends and MGDub were in the same boat so a spirit of cooperation flourished. The following is a reconstructed conversation while cramming for the final.

Friend 1: So, what about question four, has anyone read "As I Lay Dying?"
MGDub: Oh, I didn’t do all the reading, but I read that one. It's about someone who's dying... yada yada yada.
plasticann: I read "The Pilot." It's about a pilot flying a plane. That’s the only one I read.
Friend 2: Are there any questions "The Pilot" applies too?
Friend 1: Maybe question 5, but it's a stretch.
plasticann: Remember, we get to choose which four out of the five essay questions to answer so therefore, we only have to prepare for 9 out of the 10 possible questions.
MGDub: What's Absalom Absalom about?
Friend 1: Oh, that's the only one I read, It's about Absalom and this house and blah blah blah.

In conclusion, between the four of us, we could cover about 80% of the required reading. Sadly, there wasn’t much overlap so I guess we each averaged 20% of the reading. I would say, my contribution was below average so if I were truly honest, I’d have to bump that 20% down just a tad. We all survived the exam and we all graduated, but I felt awful about the whole experience. For years, I kept my Faulkner books in hopes that I would finally complete that required reading as my act of penance since I felt like such a sham, but I finally had to let it go. I dropped them off at Goodwill and thought, "Good Riddance, go haunt someone else" and freed up some much needed mental space.

Brrrrrring!

Well, I'm here at "BIT" for pre-term and I'm re-learning my math and learning for the first time the basics of accounting. Steve and I met up this morning to go to school together so at least I have one friend. During the first lecture, the lecture room code of conduct was communicated from the front.

BIT Lady: If you haven't already, please turn off all our cell phones in class.
Audience: [sounds of cell phones shutting down]
BIT Lady: and there will be
Audience: [sounds of more cell phones shutting down]
BIT Lady: no laptops in lecture
Audience: [more phones turned off]
BIT Lady: unless otherwise specified by the professor.
Audience: [finally the sounds of the last phone shutting off...bring ga bring ga bring ga bring]
Steve: Maybe I should shut my phone off again.

I could eat it everyday...

Adam and I took Laurel out to dinner at Radius [not Diameter] to celebrate her ascendancy to Dr. Laurel-dom. The food was delicious, but some dishes were more tastier than others. The way I gauge a dish's popularity is what I like to call the "sling-o-meter," or the number of times a dish is passed around a table, especially at a high end place where slinging of plates across the table is most likely frowned upon. We were enjoying the potato gnocchi appetizer that had been slung around at least 5 times, when Adam started in on one of his all time favorite pasta dishes, the Beef Short Rib Agnolotti at Upstairs on the Square. The following reconstructed conversation does not do the situation justice, but I will try my very best. It's really my fault, I was the one who brought it up.

plasticann: Adam really likes this pasta at Upstairs on the Square.
Laurel: Really, what is it?
Adam: It's pasta with beef short ribs in a broth and it's just so delicious. We would have had it at our wedding, but they couldn't make it in large quantities.
Laurel: That sounds good.
Adam: [wistfully] I hope they'll have it again this winter.
plasticann: Would you like to take a moment to reminisce?
Adam: [not missing a beat, waxing poetically while plasticann and Laurel laught it up] It's this Agnolotti pasta that's pillowy and soft and the ribs are so tender and they're wrapped in the pasta and it's all in this delicious broth. It's so good. They also have this Pistachio Pound Cake and Olive Oil Gelato.
Laurel: You can get Olive Oil ice cream at Christina's
Adam: It's not the same with out the pound cake, the combination is just so good. I could eat the pasta and the pound cake everyday.
plasticann: We could go to Upstairs every week just to eat dessert and pasta.
Adam: Why don't we?
plasticann: We could make it a weekly priority. We'll eat pizza at Crazy Dough's and splurge on dessert at Upstairs.
Adam: We should do it.

Note: Adam would like to point out [and I concur] that the preceding reconstructed conversation is possibly riddled with inaccuracies, but I believe the spirit of the conversation has been faithfully conveyed. Adam enjoys beef rib pasta and pound cake and he could eat it everyday.