Masticating

How many times do you masticate or chew your food? The recommended number of chews rings in at around 30 per bite of food, but essentially you're supposed to chew your food until it's pulpy or liquid. Unlike most folks who don't chew enough, I chew at least the recommended 30 times if not more. Usually, it's not a problem if I'm breaking bread with folks who eat more than me: more chews, but less food usually means approximately the same amount of chewing time.

Unfortunately, I'm not very good at multitasking when it comes to eating and my whole chewing thing doesn't help matters either. For instance, sometimes I have a hard time holding a conversation while eating. I've gotten better about eating in front of the TV, but I used to sit slack jawed in front of the TV with my fork suspended mid air between commercial breaks. Every now and then Adam has to gently nudge me to stop talking or stop staring at the TV and eat my dinner.

During one turkey dinner with my college roommates and our friend Seth and his house of guys, my propensity to chew a lot became an embarrassing liability. Somehow, someone (probably Kellie or Corinna, maybe Sara) made it known that I chewed my food a lot. The conversation about my chewing habits quickly degenerated into a count off as I chewed my food. "One, Two, Three...Ten... Twenty-Five," right around twenty-five chews my neurotic stream of consciousness starts and my thoughts go something like this, "Twenty-five chews, that's getting close to the recommended thirty chews. Is my food pulpy enough? Am I chewing too much? Will it snow tomorrow? Am I not chewing enough? Will I get a tummy ache? I only have five chews left, I better make them good ones." Meanwhile, as I'm pondering, the verbal count continues and they chant, "Twenty-Nine, Thirty, Thirty-One...I can't believe you're chewing your Mashed Potatoes...Forty-Six...Fifty-One."

How can one enjoy their dinner under such trying conditions?